Dearest Little One,

There will be days that you doubt. You'll doubt your worth, inner strength, abilities, sanity, beauty and a multitude of other very valid aspects of your life. I do not know how doubt will manifest in your heart and soul, but for me, I just kinda shut down for a bit to figure it all out.

Please know that you can always come to me. I love you and there is nothing in this world that you should ever feel as if you have to hid from me, because whether or not I've been through it before, I'm here for you and would totally throw myself on a bee for you.

Your Momma

Secrets are hard to share when you love secrets as much as I do. I've always loved having secrets. Secrets about me, about others, what have you, I just adore the little buggers. Well, probably the biggest (or smallest) secret I've ever had has now been revealed to most of the pertinent parties involved–and I'm over the moon :)

I feel equally thrilled as well as blessed to know that we spend a third of our day with such caring group of people. I am starting to realize that there are few things in life that are as exciting, humbling and positively pure as the love that is shared when the news of new life is made known.

Jellybean, you are one lucky kiddo.

Waving the White Flag

So the little fetus squatting in my uterus and I had our first serious disagreement last night. I thought it was time for bed and JellyBean, well, had other plans. Instead of a nice, peaceful sleep, JellyBean decided to partner up with its new friend, other wise known as my digestive tract, and cause a whole bunch of unpleasantness in the form of a visually discernible mass moving through my lower torso at ≈3:00a. One and a half hours later, the time now being ≈4:30a, I was able to fall back asleep. Hours later I made my way out of bed, begrudgingly fell into some clothes and made my way into work bright and early at about 8:46a (ish).

BAM!!! Sneak attack! The army made up of JellyBean in conjunctions with its allies digestive track, hormones and last night's dinner caught up to me as a sit at my desk ready to tackle an unsurmountable pile of paperwork. I raised my white flag and retreated in the form of officially declaring today a "sick day."

You win, JellyBean. You've caused me to miss exactly 5.75 hours of work, but somehow I still love you. Now have some hot choco and revel in your victory.

P.S. Daddy told you to be nice to me. Capisce? 

virgin post to my pregnancy blog

Being pregnant has a funny way of making you feel as if you've joined the ranks of millions of women before you. There is comfort in knowing that while the shear mechanics of what will eventually happen are completely unfathomable right now, at least you know someone else has actually survived it and has a half-way normal life–well, as normal as life can be compared to your life prior to a child. However, there is a very lonely part of pregnancy. There are so many questions flying around in my overly hormone-laced brain right now. Some questions actually require me to take action on such as: what test should I have done? Do I have any risk factors that would possibly endanger the health of my little papoose? When is the right time to start thinking about what nursery motif I'd like? But there are other questions that are simply baffling AND have no answers–at least right now. For example: what will I do if my child hates me? What if they're a psychopath at the age of three? What if I cause it because i feed them the wrong type of mac and cheese?? The lonely part of pregnancy comes to light because you have no idea what questions are valid and what are just the result of a tired mind and body filled with fetus, retained fluids and massive amounts of hormones. 

In other news, Law and Order: Criminal Intent is the equivalent of spicy Italian food. Both are so very tempting, but wake me up in the middle of the night with the wrath of a thousand baby gates–damn, I hate those things.